I Think I Found God Again
It has been years since I scoured my bible. Years since I've talked with anyone in depth about religion besides my mother or my cousin (happy birthday buddy).
Figured I'd learned enough. Read enough. Had to figure out what it meant. How it applied to now.
I'd memorized so much. Clung to bits that seemed important. Having it written on my heart.
I search for versus occasionally. Sword drills. Am I remembering that right? Or fact checking, without confrontation. I'm not trying to either preach or be discipled. Some y'all quote the Holy Bible, but don't realize you're spewing some extracanonical deliberations.
That is to say: serious misinformation. That's blasphemy, if it is in the name of religion. Not pointing any fingers, but keep your eyes peeled. I know there are some versus about pruning branches.
Moments ago, I wrote:
i am ephemeral with the knowledge that my mind might change tomorrow and whatever i posted yesterday on the internet is archived eternally but may or may not be a reflection of who i am today.
It reminded me of something, so I went searching, “he who knows“
“He who knows not, and knows not that he knows not, is a fool; shun him.
He who knows not, and knows that he knows not, is a student; Teach him.
He who knows, and knows not that he knows, is asleep; Wake him.
He who knows, and knows that he knows, is Wise; Follow him.”
― Arabian Proverb
It wasn't what I was looking for, but it was what I needed. I found what was on my heart, but not on my mind. I read this and I feel it captures the journey I'm on. What do I mean?
Well, on August 3rd, I wrote:
after over a year on the fediverse, i think i've figured out what this is and where we are.
this is where people are either indepedent artists exploring their digital identities freely without compromise or
the platform of the commons for people that were banned or scorned by other platforms for whatever reason.
it's possible to be both, but i don't think it is possible to be neither. it's possible to spectrum on either axis.
in this year, i've found myself to be more drawn to the artists and and repelled by the soldiers. i've exhibited traits from every different angle. i know i was angry and bitter for a while. like. i was never not spiteful on the internet until like super recently.
i'm getting better every day.
if you post things you enjoy on the internet, thank you.
if you post things you hate, get help.
For me, I needed to ditch my savior complex. I cannot help anyone that refuses to help themselves. It is literally not my job to prevent QAnon even though I thought it was.
As an example, it's been a little over a year since I've been clean of my addiction.
What I've discovered coming down from my high of internet outrage is: you reap what you sow.
A simple equation: bad vibes out, bad vibes in.
What was killing me on social media was the conflict. I realized I'd been roped into a culture war that began long before I was born. Then I asked myself,
Is this really necessary? My participation in this 'holy war'. Is it necessary?
I didn't care.
I will say my final words and bow out from this flame war.
“CSS is a programming language.”